iConverse

You know it took me a minute, but I've come to realize I am no longer a part of today's youth. At 31 years of age, I'm bracketed in that lost generation right in between "cool" and "out of the loop", teetering between the two constantly on a daily basis. And it's only a matter of time before the seesaw becomes end-heavy with "unhip" and I become...my parents. Shit.

And I'm realizing it all starts with communication. Not necessarily the obstacles of everyday cross-generational communication, but the execution of communication. I simply can't hold a conversation with anyone under 25. And not for reasons of content, but for reasons of comprehension.

Marbles. That's what's in their mouths. (Along with whatever flat-packaged gum and/or energy drink is trendy for that week.) It is becoming harder and harder to understand what young people are saying - scratch that - spewing out of their mouths. I find my side of the conversation is usually flooded with so many "What?"s and "Huh?"s you'd think I was Lou Ferrigno with a faulty cochlear implant. (I know, this reference precedes even my generation.)

Maybe in my old age I'm a little dull on the uptake, but it seems like today's youth diarrheas their words out of their sphincter-like mouths. The easiest way to imagine this (without the scatological metaphor) is to think of a run-on sentence without any punctuation whatsoever. Then add a mumble, an absence of annunciation AND inflection, and there you have it: lexicon of the youth circa 2010.

And I don't blame the educational system; I don't point my finger at the parents; and no, I'm not even going to shit on the media... this whole breakdown of youth communication can be blamed on...

The iPhone.

Well not the iPhone per se, that was for dramatic effect... just the "i" in general. Today's youth is the iGeneration. These kids have not really known a life before the internet. They don't know an existence without a cellphone. They cannot recall a time where information wasn't so instant. They don't remember when there wasn't a little box that can hold your entire fucking music collection in your hip pocket. And that's why they don't communicate...

THEY COMPUTE!

And as fast as they compute is as fast as that data leaves their mouths. These bastards talk the way they text. They don't converse, they send and receive messages...verbally! Today's youth even emotes in the limited manner an instant message would allow one to emote. (Haven't you heard a kid say "LOL" or "OMG" out loud?)

And thus, frustration is spawned upon Ol' Gramps Daniel. Now I know what my parents must of felt like when they used to tell me I talked in "Rap" and they couldn't understand me.

LOL!