What is a Reset Beard, you ask?
A beard so gnarly, so feral, so grotesque that it just screams "I'm dropping out of society for a minute." (Or "I am the 20th hijacker.")
I've done this three times in my beard-capable life. And although I'm still lacking the testosterone levels necessary to grow a complete, non-patchy, fully-connecting beard...I still am able to grow some sort of thatch upon my cheeks and chin.
Imagine me sitting on a stool in front of a fan with spirit gum slathered on my face. Then place a stockpile of pubes (because that's what i do with rogue pubes, i stockpile them) in front of the fan and hit 'on'...that's kinda what my Reset Beard looks like.
I grow it to not care. I know this sounds ridiculous, but something about wearing a unkempt beard means you look the part of someone who doesn't care. And after carrying that image for awhile, guess what, you begin to not care.
At least that's how it is for me. I'd like to say I'm taking a cue from Brian Wilson or Rivers Cuomo, both have gone through beardly phases, except the by-product of their Reset Beards are landmark albums. As they stayed out of the sunlight of society, holed up in their rooms with tin foil covering their windows and hair blanketing their jaws, they created the most incredible songs of their careers...I, on the other hand, just don't pay a bill something.
The part I cherish most about the Reset Beard is not the actual beard-wearing itself, but the time when it comes to actually 'reset.' Shaving the beard off, becoming new... where old undergrowth withers away and dies leaving fertile soil for new life. It's the closest a man (and some Eastern European women) can get to starting over. And I don't know...it just seems about time to.
I've got hair that grows out of my fucking face. Beards are weird. Whats weirder is that ZZ Top's Frank Beard is the only member of the band WITHOUT a beard. Way to be ironic Sharp Dressed Man.
